DENIAL

Okay so we left off with me in the emergency room and headed to CCU.

I had been in the emergency room, for some time. Things were settling down. I was hooked up to the monitors, an IV was setup and they had delivered the first dose of medications to treat me. The biggest concern was my AFIB. My heart rate was around 134. Initially the medication looked promising but within five minutes my heart rate was back up. The cardiologist was waiting to see if the rebound was just temporary. During this time period a nurse came in and asked me, “How did you get here?” I said “My pulmonologist sent me here from her office which is adjacent to the hospital”. She said “Well how did you get to that office?” I was confused why she was asking that question. What did that have to do with my treatment. But I did respond. “I went down Veterans Boulevard to Houma….” She cut me off and had the most dumbfounded look I had ever seen. She said, “Never mind, I did not want to know your driving route, but you have answered my question. You really drove yourself to the doctor’s appointment?” My response, “Yes. How else would I get there?” (In my mind I am thinking, DUH. It is not rocket science). She responded, “People in your condition come in by ambulance. I thought the other nurses were kidding me when they told me you drove yourself here.” DENIAL.

I could not believe how dramatic everyone in the emergency room was being, especially my cardiologist. I was ready to go home. I was fine. All I needed was medication for my asthma, so I could breathe. The cardiologist came back into my treatment area and started explaining my condition to me. The pulmonologist had me call a family member to meet me at her office. My two older sisters came. One of them is a medical doctor and on staff at the hospital. They both followed as I was transported via wheelchair from the doctor’s office to the emergency room at the hospital next-door.

My cardiologist told me that my heart ejection fraction was extremely low. I can’t remember the exact number. I was so overwhelmed at the time. Things were moving pretty fast, I never thought to ask what was normal. I have since found out 50% to 70% is normal. Eventually I was transferred from the emergency room to the coronary care unit.

I really did not want to be in the hospital. I kept being told I was extremely ill. I was humoring everyone by being cooperative. Okay, so you want to know my wishes for my final arrangements. Okay, so you want to do a written last will and testament. What else? I will do whatever you want so I can get out of here. DENIAL.

Every time my cardiologist came to see me, I had the same two questions. “Am I going home today?” “Okay, so not today, how about tomorrow?” What was I thinking? Really. How could I ask the question, “Am I going home tomorrow?”, when he isn’t even allowing me to get up out of bed to use a bedside commode. DENIAL.

I did find one thing about my “incarceration” pleasant. It was the warm blankets I was given when my bed was changed. To this day, over three years later, if I am having a difficult time falling asleep, I will go get a lightweight cotton thermal blanket put it in the dryer and warm it up. It really helps me fall asleep.

I felt fortunate. I had a very good advocate. My sister, an ophthalmologist, had a much deeper understanding of what the cardiologist was saying. She had much more informed questions to ask the doctor and she knew the doctor personally. When a person is sick, it is difficult to formulate questions quickly. Because I am a dentist, (more about me and my background next blog) I could understand what the doctor was telling me. But my sister got the important questions asked and answered.

Until next time, “laissez les bon temps rouler.”